Chill Out

Just exactly HOW do you “Chill Out”?

And WHEN and HOW OFTEN?

If you’re “Chilling Out” more than 45 minutes a day, better check your stress level – it may be either too much or not enough! 

While “Chilling Out” may have its place in the midst of a hassled and harried rat race, if done poorly it takes us off-the-clock from our Dreams and personal aspirations, not to mention from putting bread on the table and tackling the things that may be stressing us out, or that WILL stress us out if they don’t get done. 

And exactly WHAT is “Chilling Out” for you? 

Is it polishing off a case of beer in front of the TV every weekend?
Taking 20 cigarette / coffee breaks a day?
Surfing the internet / schmoozing with your Smart Phone?
Playing “Angry Birds” … other video games?
Taking a walk?
Commiserating with co-workers/friends/family?
Loading up on “comfort foods”?

And is your personal “Chill-Out” activity – or inactivity – a Regenerative or Degenerative engagement?  Does it re-energize you or leave you completely “wasted”?  Getting out of the line of fire in the heat of battle is sometimes necessary.  But to simply cast one’s weapons aside and allow the batteries to short-out at even the first inkling of fire puts us at a significant disadvantage in overall coping. 

Personal growth/development and advancement requires us to handle “fire” – but, even more so, to become increasingly adept at preventing fires – as we progress in our journey.  So generative and regenerative processes – along with overall capacity building – are critical and should not become completely overshadowed/negated or absorbed by “Chilling Out”.  

What do I do, personally, to “Chill Out”?  I take a walk or take a nap!   And I get 8 hours of sleep a night.  But during those processes, I’m fully engaged in problem-solving – figuring out how to prevent and put out fires.  It’s habit-forming, it helps “Beat the System”, and it works wonders!  [I also sing in various groups about 9 hours a week and regularly attend services at my home church.]  Stuff that does not positively contribute to my overall capacity or wellbeing – or to that of those who are important to me – just doesn’t deserve much attention. 

Here are some other suggestions on Chilling Out:

SIMPLIFY

"Simplicity allows the senses to rest from stimulation.”         Gunilla Norris

TURN OFF YOUR INPUT/OUTPUT CIRCUITS AND TURN ON YOUR IMAGINATION       

“The imagination needs moodling – long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling, and puttering.” Brenda Ueland

And, as for avoiding “Trouble” …

“When I see trouble coming, I go on up ahead to meet it.”  Bernice Johnson Reagon

“Don’t waste a good ‘Chill-Out’ getting wasted.”   Quartermaster

My Genes Are To Blame!

Research just in*:  Approximately 250 genes in the human genome are considered “expendable”, and the “average” person is tooling around with approximately 20 broken or inactive genes (0.01 percent) out of a total of 20,000. 

But how many MORE genes and/or clusters of genes that AREN’T expendable are slightly askew (mutated or expressed in higher or lower-than-normal amounts) in YOUR geniusome?  How about the “tired” gene?  The “disorganized” gene?  The “perseveration” gene?  The “OCD” or “ADHD” gene?  The “Couch Potato” gene cluster?   

Perhaps more to the point:  How good – really – are you at compensating for any deficits? 

In this 21^st Century, we know that persons predisposed to heart disease can compensate to a considerable degree through diet and exercise.  We know that persons predisposed to colon cancer can compensate substantially by diet, exercise and an annual colonoscopy.  We know that fair-skinned people can reduce the risk of skin cancer by protecting themselves from UV radiation.  Persons with a predisposition to dementia can compensate to some degree through both physical and mental exercise.  And then – for SOME things – there’s “medication”.     

But not – so far – for stupidity, foot-in-mouth disease, mere/sheer naïveté, “bull-headedness”, or pomposity – replete with unfounded assumptions and unrealistic expectations … or for the standard panoply of human vices: Lust, Avarice, Sloth, Gluttony, Pride, Envy and Anger.   

Persons prone to addiction or to the subordinating powers of inertia may have an even more difficult time.  However, effective proactive compensations can still be made. 

BOTTOM LINE: Success in life is largely determined by how well we compensate for (i.e., not cover-up or merely “give free license” to) our deficiencies and exorbitances.  We are ALL compromised by our own discombobulated constellation of endowments.  

ACTION PLAN: Let’s take inventory and hammer out a workable plan of compensation.  Our genes may be to blame for a plethora of incompetencies.  But if we don’t make the effort to compensate, we can’t expect to compete or participate in the same gene pool with those who are more gifted and/or with those who are more ardent and effective in compensation. 

CAVEAT: Each of us certifiably has undeciphered aberrations in our respective Philosopho-Psychosomes.  So it would serve each of us well to simply compensate for everything we can imagine and, thus, stop repeatedly tripping over ourselves – a fairly tall order most days!   

“We are normally blind about our own blindness.  We’re generally overconfident in our opinions and our impressions and judgments.  We exaggerate how knowable the world is (and how much we know about it.)”   Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize-winning Economist

 

*Research team led by Daniel G. MacArthur of the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute in England. Published February 16, 2012 in Science.  Reported by David Brown, The Washington Post February 17, 2012.

Wellness

A large component of our negotiable currency in life arises from how WELL we do things.  The better we do things and the more things we do well, the larger the rewards we will enjoy and the less hassle we will have to endure.  Some folks are successful in placing all their energy and attention into one thing which they do VERY well, allowing them to rise to the top of their field.  [NOTE: This does not generally include people who do only video games very well or who primarily perseverate very well or who worry very well or who find fault with other people very well.] 

However, many people do many things very well, and these are generally the most fulfilled, overall.  This includes people with mild-to-moderate forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder.  For such folks, things have to be done, they have to be done right, and they have to be done NOW – or ELSE!  [It’s actually hard to fault such an orientation as a general formula for success, as long as it doesn’t involve the pursuit of trivial, incidental or “phobic” contrivances.  And while it’s often difficult to live with (!), it can be extremely effective.]  

 

Systematic wellness engagement (as in “Total Intentional Living”) provides an excellent basis for self-efficacy, self-esteem, personal satisfaction, and fulfillment.  A welcome fringe benefit is that it increases our capacity to do even more better.  Wellness advances our currency and stature on the world stage and creates opportunities.  Wellness improves attitude and rewards and reinforces discipline. Consistently doing things well minimizes stress, depression and despondency.  Doing things well is “enlifening”.  It provides a sense of dignity and distinction, “legitimizes” our existence and ingrains professionalism.  Wellness demands and enhances care-full-ness, critical thinking and creativity.  Wellness gets us more of what we deserve, more of what we want and more of what we need.  Wellness is a manifestation of excellence in action.  Wellness provides a certain amount of indemnification, holding us harmless against the perils and liabilities of mediocrity.  Wellness affords us the luxury of higher echelon compeer engagement. Wellness is an integral part of Continuous Quality Improvement and Total Quality Management.   Wellness utilizes practices and principles which translate across all arenas of life. 

Unfortunately, “wellness” is not contagious.  In fact, it has to be pursued with great effort, purpose and intentionality, and it must be firmly grasped and definitively wrestled to the mat.  To the naïve and unschooled unwell, “wellness” appears to result from pure luck, from cheating or from some unfathomable (and unfair) act of Grace.  But, curiously, once a beachhead of wellness is established, it tends to ingrain itself as a commanding standard for the duration. 

“Whatever you do, make certain it is done well.

Practice and perpetuate ‘wellness’.

You will have much in which to take pride and few regrets.”

Quartermaster

Listing to the Right

[Today's entry is excerpted and adapted from Peter Thompson's TGI Monday missive, 1/23/2012]

 Peter says:

“I keep seeing people who could be storming along the river of golden moments – who are still dragging their feet out of treacle-like gloop - every single day!

And why is this happening?

Earl Nightingale, in his brilliant ‘Lead The Field’ program, introduced me to Ivy Lee, the management consultant who was probably the man who came up with the Do List idea.  Thank you Earl.

Here’s how I use it – please copy this idea.

Each and every ‘working’ day and occasionally for non-working days, too – I create my Do List.

Not a To Do List – it’s a DO LIST!

I number the list down the left hand side to give it some order – I like order.

Then before I do anything else I do the following:

Using ONLY 1 and 2 and 3 – I prioritize the top 3 items on the list – nothing more – just the top 3.

I do item 1.

I reprioritize the list just to make sure item #2 is now the next thing to do.

I do item 2.

I check the list again.

I do item 3.

In between all this action…I’ll be drinking tea. I like tea! Taking a moment for reflection – even ambling down the road for a breath of fresh air.

Focused in a totally relaxed way – knowing for CERTAIN – I’ll get done whatever I can get done
in the time I’ve allocated for action - that day.

This works because…It’s so obvious - a successful life is made of successful years.

 Successful years are made of successful weeks.

 Successful weeks are made of successful days

 And…Successful days are created by adhering to a simple plan of actions towards stated goals.

Simple – oh so simple.  No rush. No stress. No panic!  No trying to do tomorrow’s work today.

Simply being yourself – I like being myself and doing the very best I can on every task I’ve
considered and decided is worthy of being on my list.

If we have a purpose

If we have goals

If we have a Do List – and stick with it … [I was going to say ‘everything’ but I’ll be a tad cautious and say] ‘nigh on anything’ can be achieved.

Do you know what you want?

Do you know what you need?

Do you have a daily Do List?

Will you just go 1 and 2 and 3 (slowly but surely)?”

“Little things done on a daily basis, minute-to-minute, by habit and with total intentionality, make large changes possible.”      Zig Ziglar

Name Your Game

Are you an “early adopter” or a “late adopter”?   Do you have to have the latest toys and technology or can you wait for the beta version or beyond or until the technocrats work out the bugs and/or until the price comes down and you can afford it?  With a little water already over the dam, one might dare to ask, how is that “game” working out for you?  If you’re an early adopter, what do you do with all the “old” technology? 

Can you delay gratification or do you need immediate gratification?  Are you cautious or daring?  A big spender, a spend-thrift or a miser?  Hyper-organized or just plain hyper?  “Sensible” or spontaneous?  “Devil may care”?

Do you like to prospectively line out your daily/hourly/weekly/yearly goals and activities, or do you simply operate in “somehow/someday” mode?  Do you live primarily in the NOW, in the past or in the future?  Are you a “belt-and-suspenders” kind of person or do you prefer to work without a safety net? 

What lines have you drawn in the sand?  What barriers have you built that you will not cross?  Or is the “world your oyster”, such that “anything goes”? 

And why does it matter?

The bottom line is outcomes:  How is your “Game” working so far, and how likely is it that you’re going to get where you want or need to go – in this lifetime? 

If you’re too cautious, too particular or a perfectionist, it might never happen.  If you’re head-long/head-strong, you may overshoot the subtle twist and turn adjustments required for a meaningful outcome.   

If you’re simply out to “Beat the System”, be very circumspect about HOW you’re going to do it and check the odds carefully.  (The odds on get-rich-quick schemes, “calling your own shots”, or sheer brute force heavy-handedness are not very good.)

If you’re a teenager and want a car, why?  To impress your friends?  To go mall hopping?  To go to the drive-in?  Or to get a job?  Yes, it MAY matter! 

If you’re trying to play soccer on a baseball field, there’s going to come a point – at SOME point – where the lay-of-the-land and the rules don’t match and you’re out of bounds.  

Most of us, like the blue-haired ladies at the Bingo hall, like to hedge our bets by playing several “games” simultaneously.  In some things (finances?), we may be cautious and organized but in others (diet?) we’re no-hold-barred. 

The name of the real “Game” of life is EVOLUTION – imposing continual change and requiring adaptive development – which we must play with “Total Intentionality”, immersing ourselves in gainful engagement with purpose.  Take a look at the “Game(s)” you’re playing and see how the outcomes measure up to where you “should” be or want to be.  You may need to make some adjustments.  But that’s a key part of the “Game”!  Plan, prepare, do, learn, adjust, become (wiser, smarter, more knowledgeable, more skilled, more productive, more flexible, less ‘opinionated’, more valued, etc.) and prosper!           Quartermaster

“It is impossible to consistently perform in a manner inconsistent with who you are [,what “Games” you’re playing] and how you ‘see’ yourself.”  Dr. Joyce Brothers

No Safety Net

Growing up, I was fascinated by circus performers flying on the trapeze.  The epitome of daring and showmanship was to perform without a net. 

Similar and even more daring feats were performed on the tightrope:

“Charles Blondin owed his celebrity and fortune to his idea of crossing the gorge below Niagara Falls on a tightrope, 1100 feet (335 m) long, 3¼ inches in diameter, 160 feet (50 m) above the water. This he accomplished, first on 30 June 1859, a number of times, always with different theatric variations: blindfolded, in a sack, trundling a wheelbarrow, on stilts, carrying a man (his manager, Harry Colcord) on his back, sitting down midway while he cooked and ate an omelet and standing on a chair with only one chair leg on the rope.”  [Wikipedia]

We start out life close to the ground with safety nets all around, including parents, teachers, community leaders, coaches, scouting leaders, neighbors, family, friends, etc. 

But, as the curtain rises in our lives, the safety nets drop away, reducing both the surveillance commitments and the corralling constraints keeping us within the safety net loop, and we are expected to take increasing responsibility for our own welfare. 

While the safety nets don’t completely disappear (e.g., we have contingency provisions for Unemployment Benefits, Worker’s Compensation, Disability Benefits, Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, food banks, Salvation Army, etc.), they serve mainly to cover emergency circumstances and to prevent destitution in dire circumstances.  

To realize the life we are intended to adopt for ourselves, we need – at some point – to climb the ladder, take hold of our own trapeze and walk out on our own tight rope into territory where safety nets generally don’t exist.  So we have to construct our own safety nets, where possible, or sprout “wings”.  With sufficient earnings, we can purchase life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, etc. But we can’t buy “Job Insurance”, or “Wellness Insurance”, or “Beauty Insurance” or “Social Mobility Insurance”.  There are no safety nets here.  The claim “I’m Dr. Johnson’s son/daughter … “ carries diminishing indemnification, importance and impact with time. 

But don’t sell the “Wings” paradigm short.  We’re challenged by many to “Soar with the Eagles” [although we’re reminded by David McNally that “Even Eagles Need a Push”!]  How does that work?     

First of all, we need a constitution capable of flight (translated attitude and general “fitness”).  Then we need wings (translated math skills, writing skills, computer skills, etc.)  And we need a finely tuned compass (translated sound inner-core principles and well-cultivated habits) to be able to navigate the uncharted landscape.  And we need absolute diligence in attentiveness to the voyaging.  We can benefit immensely from significant others who can provide “wind beneath our wings” … who can make passage more tenable and increase achievable elevation.  For this to happen, we need to be found worthy of the investment, accountable, and diligent in applying the capital assets at your disposal.  (Significant others are generally altruistic, but they are not so beyond reasonability!) 

BOTTOM LINE: Externally imposed safety nets are for the nascent, naïve, immature, underdeveloped, untested, unsung, under-capacitized and misfortunately undone.  The safety nets are intended to provide shelter while “seasoning”, wising-up, maturing, developing, testing, benchmarking and capacitizing the troops.  The real rewards in life are concentrated at higher altitude, attainable only by those who can rise high enough to get them. 

“The only safe course … is to expect no safety.”

Virgil

“Emulant of the wise who soar but never roam,

True to the kindred points of heaven and home,

Wheresoe’er thy Dreams may be,

Receive with Joy thy Destiny.”

[Derivation from “To a Skylark” by William Wordsworth]

No Out

Circumstances occur in which we find ourselves with no choice but to forge ahead “come Hell or High Water”!  Such was the case with Al, the neighbor of a friend.  Al was an exceptional journalist, widely esteemed for his craft, but he couldn’t boil water.  When he got into a jam with handyman projects around the house, he brought my friend over to bail him out.  One time, just back from vacation, he found himself with no hot water and my friend was out of town.  It was also a holiday and difficult to find a plumber.  He suddenly became independently responsible for his own circumstances.  So he had to figure out where the hot water came from, what the problem was (the water heater was still “on vacation”), and how to get it running again.   

“It’s amazing what you can do when there is no choice but to do it!”

Martha was 93 when her husband of 70 years passed away.  She had lived in his shadow all those years, deferring completely to his always-full agenda.  As her husband had become more debilitated, she had become more anxious, more frail and withdrawn.  The family was convinced she would rapidly regress in his absence, would soon require 24 hour nursing care, and would expire in short order.  However, wonder of wonders, the loss of the husband “awakened” a self-efficacy spirit.  She suddenly became independently responsible for her own circumstances, began walking and visiting with her neighbors in the Senior Assisted Living Facility, started eating more, and spent more time awake and attentive.

Students will sometimes say “I’m no good in math” or “I’m no good at writing” when, in fact, they haven’t really tried.  Unfortunately, the “cop out” excuse “I’m no good … “ only holds as much water as the back-up plan (like marrying someone independently wealthy or living at home for the rest of one’s life?), which doesn’t generally exist.  What they apparently don’t know or blatantly choose to ignore is the fact that there are very few real-life situations in which someone “no good in math” or “no good in writing” will thrive.  When most such students are “pinned to the wall”, given no way out, and suddenly become responsible for their own circumstances, they CAN eventually “get it”. 

I had to replace a failing computer at home but have always had the luxury of an IT staff at work and two computer-savvy sons to look after my computing infrastructural needs.  However, the timing for this one was terrible, occurring right in the middle of end-of-year holidays when none of my “help” was readily available. So – since I had ever-so-suddenly become independently responsible for my own circumstances – I did my own research, did the shopping, bought the computer, pulled it out of the box, connected the pieces parts, fired it up, executed the start up procedures, and called the internet provider three times to work around the “no internet connection” error messages.  I’d like to say I completed it all by myself, but my most proximal son eventually came to the rescue and ironed out some final details.  Nonetheless, his job was much easier and he was much more willing to help once I narrowed the field of play.

“There are no good cop outs.  Persist in pursuing, analyzing and narrowing the field of play and most challenges will eventually yield.  You will learn something in the process, become more adept at looking after your own welfare, become a more “helpable” subject, and acquire a genuine sense of satisfaction.  This is what self-efficacy is all about.”  Quartermaster