Legitimacy

To be “legitimate”, is to be “real, genuine, conforming to recognized principles and accepted standards.”  (Webster)  It is to “walk the walk”. 

This journal entry was inspired by the mental toss of a coin concerning whether and/or when to do the recommended daily exercise routine.  Not surprisingly, “Tomorrow” and “Later” got the most votes!  But shame and due diligence eventually overruled and I was on the elliptical without further “discussion”. 

In truth, I’ve found the major benefit of exercise is not necessarily to “stay in shape” – a nonetheless tremendous secondary benefit – but to clear one’s brain.  However, it occurred to me –while exercising – that an equally important secondary benefit is to provide “legitimacy”.  The question lurking in the background was: How can I rightfully negotiate my way through the wanderings of the day if I haven’t done due diligence in getting my exercise … or if I haven’t gotten proper nutrition … or if I haven’t done dozens of other things I could and should do to make my way in the world most passable – i.e., if I haven’t BEEN the person I “ought” to be doing the things I “ought” to do? 

NOT doing the “ought” leaves a cloud of substantially truncated possibilities hanging over my head and eventually out of reach. 

Importantly, exercise – or any other solitary “oughta do” – will not, by itself, carry the full load of “legitimacy” and does not, in any case, provide “license” for negligence in other areas.  However, “oughta dos” strongly reinforce a pattern of due diligence that have a positive, affirmative impact on everything that follows.  

Other elements of legitimacy include shaving and showering and making myself “presentable” to the world in which I function daily.  “Legitimacy” is not self-esteem or entitlement.  Legitimacy doesn’t qualify me for a trophy and nobody “owes” me anything.  It simply gets me in the gate and onto the playing field – kind of like buying a ticket and paying one’s dues.  But, WOW!  What a starting point that is!! 

Now we can legitimately go out and EARN our keep, bolster our self-esteem and put some negotiable credits on the board.  Just DO IT!

“If I can’t give a decent account of myself on my own behalf, how can others consider me a worthy investment on any other’s behalf?”    Lewis Kelly

“Do what you’re supposed to do and life will eventually turn out the way it’s supposed to be.” Old Farmhouse Calendar

Plugged-In

PREFACE

Finding ourselves “at loose ends” and/or “lost in the shuffle” is getting more palpable and more prevalent in 21^st century America – despite … but perhaps largely because of … Facebook, Linked-In, Twittering, Tweeting, and all the rest.  These superficial triflings create a perceived necessary but nonetheless unfortunate disconnect from the “burdensome realities of life”, along with a virtual sense of forward movement.  (A sensation similar to what one gets sitting backwards in a train moving inexorably toward the end of the line.)  

While the exploding diversity of virtual connections keeps us from being bored, the whole lot contributes painfully little to sustainably satisfying engagement or ultimate fulfillment – leaving us feeling a little like holding an empty bag when things start going south, as they are sometimes accustomed to doing.   

We need to be better, more securely and more intentionally PLUGGED-IN – as in “hard-wired” – rather than just superficially “Linked-In” … and to more substantive engagements.  (Seriously, I can’t put even fractional stock into what anyone else is watching on TV, viewing at the movie theater or eating for dinner.  In fact, I need to be finding investments where the dividends ARE worth MY investing and moving my attention, time and energy into those areas.)

THE CORE PROBLEM

For most of us, and particularly for youth and young adults, figuring out where and how to get “Plugged In” is a matter of great mystery and angst.  Even after graduating from college, many don’t have a clue what they want to do except “get a job” … ANY job … which is getting more difficult without experience and demonstrated technical expertise.  And “ANY” job is not necessarily going to get us headed in the most fulfilling and sustainable direction. 

SUGGESTED APPROACHES TO THE PROBLEM

Getting “Plugged-In“ at an early stage of life opens amazing doors.  Discovering a “passion” that can conscript and keep our undivided attention helps.  Fear or desperation can have similar “riveting” effects and are equally valid driving forces.  (Early in life I discovered I never wanted to be hungry or cold, insofar as I could help it, and I didn’t much like being associated with losing propositions.)  Inspiration also helps immeasurably where it can be found. 

Choosing resonating “electives” and extracurricular activities in high school provides a beginning framework for moving life-affirming impulses through the synapses.  Try an Apprenticeship, Toastmasters, the literary guild, the local entrepreneurs’ council, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, Young Professionals Association, YMCA, Junior Achievement, Chamber of Commerce, etc.  Make fast friends with your local librarian and read, and research, and read some more.  Connect with a Dream/a Destiny, identify with a community, adopt a culture, become a member of a troop or a troupe or a team, connect with a career/a trade, reinforce important family connections, join the historical society, attend the city council, (see “What Color is Your Parachute” for additional suggestions.)   Put your boat in the water where the water is flowing by metric tons per second, not just trickling or virtually moving across a TV or computer screen.   

   

Being “Plugged-In” means “having some skin in the game” – beginning with our undivided attention … without the smart phone, TV, X-Box, YOU Tube, or Facebook running in the background.  It means stealing the time and energy and borrowing the money if we have to to expand our education, acquire essential tools, join a professional organization, or engage in a professional development program. 

Find a “live” plug and get PLUGGED IN!

“There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew.”

                                        Marshall McLuhan, educator and philosopher (1911-1980)

BALANCE

Balance

“Balance” is a mystical/mythical condition in which we are – supposedly – able to equitably meet our physical, financial, emotional, spiritual and other well-being needs while achieving our Dreams.  

It’s a wonderful concept – which provides much fodder for personal and professional coaches, speakers and self-help writers – but it has its limitations. 

The truth is: we can’t have it all – at least not all at once.

So, most days, by sheer force of competing necessities, the best we can hope to achieve is a “Perfectly Unbalanced Life”.  Life has “Seasons” of widely varying composition and duration, as well as moment-to-moment “tipping points”, and we have to give each its due in its own time. 

“I believe the concept of balance in life is just an elusive myth that floats through the culture, serving only to render women guilty for having failed at one more thing.  Life does not come at us in regularly modulated units.   Rather, it pounds away at us unevenly, with twists and turns and in torrents.  Our vision should not be this myth of balance, but rather the understanding that we were born resilient, with the ability to survive, flourish and bounce back from adversity.  Let’s stop pointing out all of the problems women face and talk about solutions such as learning skills and strategies to enhance resilience so that women can further develop their innate strength, step forward on the paths they choose and know they have the ability to succeed.  This is a better vision for women – and a true[r] one.”

Teena Long Cahill, Psy.D., Newsweek Magazine, 2005

Importantly, “balance” is NOT about getting everything we want when we want it. 

We can achieve the operational equivalent of balance – i.e., a dynamic rather than a static equilibrium while continuing to move forward – by first establishing firm “anchorings” from which we can operate, even when substantially OFF balance ... with cultivated resilience … reasonably fulfilling our basic needs, and THEN fulfilling our more life-enriching needs.  NOTE:  Television, video games and smart phones generally do not meet either basic or life-enriching needs nor do they serve as viable “anchorings”.  Unburdening ourselves from such diversions, as well as from unproductive harborings and habits, will provide the surest and fastest approach toward re-balancing.   

True “balance” across the entire spectrum of life is about capacitization, sustainability, wise choices, wise time management and total intentional living.  And it’s about knowing what “floats your boat” – what provides optimal regenerative/restorative/re-energizing/enlifening/rejuvenating resilience – and engaging it early and often. 

“Each of us has the ability to take some amount of control over our lives.  We have to learn to focus on what we can control, and stop worrying about what we cannot control.”  

                                                                                    Terry Healey, cancer survivor

[Rest of the Story at http://www.ertia.org/musings/balance.asp] 

RULES

Rules

Human beings need structure -- e.g., "Rules" --  in order to function properly, never mind functioning at “Peak” performance levels.  The less “seasoned” need more structure.  “Structure” is not a natural occurrence, but generally has to be imposed.  The imposition of structure from within is far superior to the imposition of structure from without, but it is an agonizing growth process from the latter to the former ... generally resisted at every turn.  Unfortunately, very few of us ever make it all the way.  Of course, we can all “rise to the occasion” when “called to account”, but the sad truth is that we don’t ^___ worse won’t ^___ do it of our own accord, i.e., when not “pressed”, and it gets increasingly difficult with time and lack of application. 

Where a state of “Right Reckoning” is missing or deficient, or where it has not yet matured, we need the imposition of rules that say “Do this (period)” and “Thou Shalt Not (exclamation point!)”.  In such an imperfect condition, the answer to “Why?” is simply “Because!”   It can not be “reasoned”.

While few ever graduate to a true state of utopian “flow” where everything (carefully selected) positively reinforces everything else (“Finding Flow”, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi), many seek to mimic the effect by ignoring the rules and creating a sense of “flow” in the path of least resistance.  In this condition, the “System” and the “Grand Scheme of Things” actually become impediments – even adversaries ^___ to be resisted at every turn!  Is it any wonder we are in such desperate need of “The Rules”? 

As we learn from understanding “Flow”, RULES are only exigencies.  What we really need is a VISION through which the full glory, majesty and dignity of life can be realized. 

How can we capture such a “Vision”? 

Sir Christopher Wren was one of the greatest English architects of all time.  His masterpiece accomplishment was the design and construction of St. Paul’s Cathedral in London.  The story is told that one day he walked onto the cathedral construction site unrecognized among the men at work and asked several of them, in turn, what they were doing.  The first man replied, “I am cutting a piece of stone.”   A second man said “I am earning five shillings, tuppence a day to feed and clothe my family.”  The third, not recognizing the esteemed architect in his work clothes, exclaimed, “I am helping Sir Christopher Wren build a magnificent cathedral!”

An individual with such vision as the latter will be unlikely to violate “The Rules”.  One without it will be hard pressed to keep any one of them. 

[See also http://www.ertia.org/musings/rules.asp] 

“I have gained this by philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.”             Aristotle, philosopher (384-322 BCE)

Endorsements

At my mother’s memorial service, there was a long pause in proceedings when the minister-in-charge asked if anyone would like to share personal comments about her life and times.  My “inner awareness” could very tangibly hear mother saying “Who will rise and speak on my behalf?” It turned out that everyone assembled was simply waiting for the first person to “break the ice”.  But once that happened, a flood of endorsements of a life well-lived came gushing forth, and I learned many new and wonderful things about this very special person in my life. 

If there’s anything to us at all, i.e., if we’re of any decent account in the world, we should attract and inspire endorsements.  Pro athletes, television and radio personalities, opera divas, political candidates, and even the local beauty shop measure their worth by the endorsements they receive.  Certainly, resumes and biographical sketches are nothing if devoid of bestowed awards and bereft of accompanying letters of recommendation. 

And, while some go well beyond reasonability in compiling endorsements*, endorsements do grease the skids and provide both internal and external validation. 

Endorsements are a level up from affirmation.  They include the “because”.

Endorsements carry with them both specified and unspecified entitlements (see “Rules” blog coming soon) and empowerment.   

Today’s Action Plan: Plant viable seeds of endorsement.  Find something useful and meaningful to do, which – done with excellence – adds important value to the lives of others. 

*Importantly: A “contrived” endorsement will not long stand, wilting hopelessly in the heat of battle at the front lines of meaningful endeavor.  A contrived endorsement dishonors both the endorser and the endorsee. 

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.  If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”                                       Warren Buffett

Devil's Alternative

Devil’s Alternative a God-Send

“The blows that a life of self-control

Spares to strike for the common good,

That day, giving a loose to my soul,

I spent on the unimportant wood.”

“Two Tramps in Mud Time” by Robert Frost

Adding insult (chopping wood) to injury (a bruised psyche), Frost experiences an otherwise elusive freedom, peace and exhilaration. 

Dateline November 3, 2011 “Dear Abby”

A contributor writes that her daughter, who hated practicing piano, had a major change of heart on being given the “Devil’s Alternative” ultimatum of doing “chores” or practicing piano. 

During an extremely busy time in my life, I faced two “inconvenient truths”:  The shower needed cleaned and I wasn’t getting any exercise.  So I constructed a “Devil’s Alternative”: Any day I didn’t exercise, I would have to clean the shower.  I began getting a truck-load of exercise!   Ultimately, the shower got so bad I couldn’t take it anymore.   But, rather than eliminate the exercise, I finally carved out a Saturday morning and completed the dirty deed. 

One could do worse. 

“Pessimism is more soundly based than optimism.  Left untended, things will get worse!  Our job is to keep them from becoming so to the best of our ability with everything that’s in us.” 

Lewis Kelly