No Out

Circumstances occur in which we find ourselves with no choice but to forge ahead “come Hell or High Water”!  Such was the case with Al, the neighbor of a friend.  Al was an exceptional journalist, widely esteemed for his craft, but he couldn’t boil water.  When he got into a jam with handyman projects around the house, he brought my friend over to bail him out.  One time, just back from vacation, he found himself with no hot water and my friend was out of town.  It was also a holiday and difficult to find a plumber.  He suddenly became independently responsible for his own circumstances.  So he had to figure out where the hot water came from, what the problem was (the water heater was still “on vacation”), and how to get it running again.   

“It’s amazing what you can do when there is no choice but to do it!”

Martha was 93 when her husband of 70 years passed away.  She had lived in his shadow all those years, deferring completely to his always-full agenda.  As her husband had become more debilitated, she had become more anxious, more frail and withdrawn.  The family was convinced she would rapidly regress in his absence, would soon require 24 hour nursing care, and would expire in short order.  However, wonder of wonders, the loss of the husband “awakened” a self-efficacy spirit.  She suddenly became independently responsible for her own circumstances, began walking and visiting with her neighbors in the Senior Assisted Living Facility, started eating more, and spent more time awake and attentive.

Students will sometimes say “I’m no good in math” or “I’m no good at writing” when, in fact, they haven’t really tried.  Unfortunately, the “cop out” excuse “I’m no good … “ only holds as much water as the back-up plan (like marrying someone independently wealthy or living at home for the rest of one’s life?), which doesn’t generally exist.  What they apparently don’t know or blatantly choose to ignore is the fact that there are very few real-life situations in which someone “no good in math” or “no good in writing” will thrive.  When most such students are “pinned to the wall”, given no way out, and suddenly become responsible for their own circumstances, they CAN eventually “get it”. 

I had to replace a failing computer at home but have always had the luxury of an IT staff at work and two computer-savvy sons to look after my computing infrastructural needs.  However, the timing for this one was terrible, occurring right in the middle of end-of-year holidays when none of my “help” was readily available. So – since I had ever-so-suddenly become independently responsible for my own circumstances – I did my own research, did the shopping, bought the computer, pulled it out of the box, connected the pieces parts, fired it up, executed the start up procedures, and called the internet provider three times to work around the “no internet connection” error messages.  I’d like to say I completed it all by myself, but my most proximal son eventually came to the rescue and ironed out some final details.  Nonetheless, his job was much easier and he was much more willing to help once I narrowed the field of play.

“There are no good cop outs.  Persist in pursuing, analyzing and narrowing the field of play and most challenges will eventually yield.  You will learn something in the process, become more adept at looking after your own welfare, become a more “helpable” subject, and acquire a genuine sense of satisfaction.  This is what self-efficacy is all about.”  Quartermaster