Except for a relatively small number of misanthropes, humans
are social beings who seek affirmation, authentication and legitimization from
others. We like being “Special” … being
loved.
We also seek out BEAUTY in each other and want to associate most with those who are most attractive
… however we define it … as long as WE are included in that circle.
However, most of us have one or more “Achilles Heels” of
imperfection which we try to hide or for which we try to compensate in some way
to make ourselves more attractive … more “associable”. We’d love to have “knock-out” attraction! The evidence is unassailable:
Annual revenue of the cosmetics
industry in 2017 was just short of $57 billion.
This does not include cosmetic
surgery, cosmetic dentistry, manicures, pedicures and other “procedures” or unfathomable
“beautification” dollars accrued by the fashion industry or nutriceuticals or
weight-management programs, never mind hair care.
Forbes estimates the earnings from
all sources of “beauty industry” engagement, including “cottage industry”
involvement of mom-and-pop businesses, to be $445 billion and growing! (How many Mary Kay entrepreneurs do you know
personally?)
So “beauty” – more generally “attractiveness” – is a BIG
DEAL!
But what about those of us who are “ugly ducklings” and
“sow’s ears” and who don’t happen to have our share of $445 billion lying
around to help move ourselves into the “IN Crowd”?
The book Wonder by R.J. Palacio is a good reference here.
NOTE: Social media has
overwhelmingly exacerbated the problem – or the opportunity, depending how you
look at it!
Beauty aside, the “flip-side” of
attraction is the tendency to see unfamiliar others as “threatening”. This tendency arises from evolved tribalism …
from the inclination to “stick to one’s own kind” where we find the greatest
security in family and close friends to the exclusion of others. In fact, “tribalism” tends to maintain itself
through constant reinforcement of the threat from outside “others”. This tendency is currently – and very
effectively – driving extreme political polarization.
At some point, our definition of “beauty” has to be
reconciled with the fact that cosmetics and the unconditional love found in
tribal associations won’t take us the full distance to our most coveted and
sustainable Destiny – certainly a growing challenge in an expanding global
universe. Beauty and unconditional love may
open doors, but neither has the required gravitas of durable grounding.
Did you ever pause to wonder why
some of the most “beautiful” people are married to some of the most “plain” or
“ordinary” individuals – MARRIED, indeed!?
Yes, some cases may merely be contrivances involving money or influence. But there is often an unseen attraction – a
“hidden beauty” involved that is much stronger than skin-deep infatuation.
So where do we turn to make ourselves more attractive to
significant others if we don’t fit the standard “mold” of socially-defined
beauty and can’t make it so by contrivances and machinations?
The first suggestion is to
become useful! Become a notable problem-solver and a true difference-maker and you will find more
than a fair share of attention from folks who matter.
Other currencies of “beauty within” – in addition to
rock-solid competence – that hold potable water include:
Respect … Generosity …
Self-Confidence … Discipline … Being a “Go To Person” … Humility … Befriending
the Less Fortunate … Sense of Humor / Being able to laugh at yourself and your
own foibles … Not Blaming Others …
Doing Your Homework / Being Prepared … Being Accountable … Being Trustworthy …
Sharing … Caring … Being Non-Threatening … Being “Interesting” / Adventurous /
Balanced / Knowledgeable / Curious / A “Seeker” / A “Fighter” … for Justice,
Fairness, Equal Opportunity
Find the beauty in
science, and science will reveal its secrets!
Find the beauty in
medicine, and medicine will doubly reward you!
Find the beauty in
literature, and literature will give you enlightenment!
NOTE: “Inner beauty” is inextricably associated with and
derives its legitimacy from “being comfortable in one’s own skin” … hving a
clear understanding of “who we are” and where we are going … with some
reasonable level of confidence that we can get there. Having the light from a Dream or Goal or
Purpose or Mission that is larger than us shine through the prism of our core
being creates unique and incomparable beauty.
“Beauty is
when [you know ‘who you are’ and] you can appreciate yourself. When you love
yourself [ -- your entire ‘identity’], that's when you're most beautiful.”
Zoe Kravitz
“People are like stained - glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“I think every person has their own identity
and beauty. Everyone being different is what is really beautiful. If we were
all the same, it would be boring.” Tila Tequila
“True beauty is in the music that you and the
universe make together. The more your
instrumentation is integrated into and in tune with the symphonic vibes of the
universe, the truer and more vibrant your beauty will become.” P. Questmaster
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