The book The Four
Agreements by Miguel Ruiz contains the following advice:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
Some of us could add our own personal “Agreements” that work
best for us. But what works best for us
– for our own “personal freedom” – has to work as well for the significant
others in our lives … family, co-workers, service staff, neighbors, etc., as
well as for civilization at large!
The main point is that we should all make agreements that matter… that pave the
way forward, not backward … and stick to them. “Agreements” and resolutions are
similar in some regards. But the “or
else” for agreements is much more consequential to BOTH ourselves AND others,
whereas the “or else” for resolutions, tends to be mainly for more personal
purposes. Accountability is the main
goal.
What triggered this entry was somewhat mundane ... a
“Situational Agreement”:
Dinnertime included some of the
best cornbread muffins I’d ever made. [FYI
Cracker Barrel: they were blushingly good!]
But I had made enough for about 3-4 meals. As I loaded up my favorite beans & rice
to go with the cornbread, I decided I needed to make an “Agreement” with myself
that two muffins would be sufficient accessories to complete the meal. To fulfill the “Agreement”, I had to pace
myself and make sure the two muffins stretched the full distance of the
meal. How nice and affirming it was to
see the “Agreement” being kept, while knowing there were at least 3 more meals
worth of muffins to look forward to!
The Four Agreements highlighted by Ruiz cover much of the
territory required for full-bore navigation in life. [Implied, of course, are a lot more explicit
things like “Don’t do stupid stuff!”,
“Eat your vegetables!” and “Keep your powder dry!”]
But we can make more explicit situational agreements on a
day-to-day / moment-to-moment basis … like making our lists and checking them
twice, eating only one or two corn muffins at a time, cleaning up after
ourselves, making the dreaded phone calls, finishing the day’s spreadsheets,
lending a helping hand to at least one person each day, smiling more than we
frown, getting our exercise, limiting our “vegetative”/”Zoned Out”/mind-numbing
time, etc.
When you are inclined to think “Somebody should DO something about THAT!”,
one “Agreement” is that the thought should immediately boomerang to “Why not ME?” That’s the beginning of self-awareness/self-efficacy
and “Agency”; it’s the beginning of ownership; it’s the beginning of
leadership; and it’s the beginning of moving on up. One of my personal Situational Agreements is
that I take shopping carts from the parking lot of grocery stores INTO the
store when I’m doing my shopping. It
costs me nothing and makes the
experience a zero-sum game.
Whatever “Agreements” will best float your boat toward more
auspicious, more sustainable sailing need to be inked in. Any suggested “Agreements” that would
interfere with smooth sailing need to be summarily dismissed.
What started this was food. Food provides an illustrative backdrop metaphor
for “getting and keeping our act together”.
With this in mind, I was struck by the recent uproar around the “Whole
30 Diet”. The basic idea is as follows:
“Those who participate in the program for 30 days cook their own meals
and quash their bad-food cravings, which forces you to think differently about
food. By saying ‘no’ to nearly
everything that is bad for you, you learn that food shouldn’t rule your life …
It’s really liberating.”
[One can’t really help wondering:
Why would anybody EVER … knowingly … do things that are “bad” for them – except
that it makes us feel like we’re beating the system, getting away with
something, and/or exercising our personal license to cheat on ourselves while
indulging?]
“‘Don’t you dare tell us this is hard,’ write the creators of Whole
30. ‘Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is.
Not. Hard.’ Worst
case, you hate it ... It’s like my ballet teacher used to say at exactly the
wrong moment: ‘It builds character.’”
Sarah Blaskovich
But there is one more Agreement to be made if we are
inclined and determined to make a difference in the world:
“If you want to
change the world,
start
off by making your bed.”
Admiral William H McRaven
The rest will follow in due course, of course, because you
will already have agreed to play the game full-out with new and more
sanctionable “Terms of Agreement” … and you will already have pounded the first
stake in the ground. May yours be a spectacular
run, with no-holds-barred, and no regrets.
[P.S.: I’ve agreed to get some exercise, so now I’ve gotta go out and make
that happen!] Quartermaster
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