Habits and Beings

Like it or not, habits pretty much define us:  What we “habitually” do is who we are. 

My Latin Professor in college used the term “wont” to describe what we are “accustomed” to doing:  “He was wont to fish in the air, to hunt in the sea” (“in aere piscare, in mare venari”).  [Actually, as I remember it, a lot of Latin literature seemed to dwell on inclinations as a primary influence on behavior and “being”.  However, a degree of premeditation, purposefulness or intentionality was also implied.] 

What are you “won’t” to do … what do you “habitually” do … what do you “intentionally” do … who’s in charge … and to what degree?  What is your “inclination”? 

Are you a “Go To/Gangbuster” person?  Or are you a wishy-washy, take-it-or-leave it, let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may wannabe … ?  Are you a “what’s happening now” commodity?   Are you pushing the edges of possibility or letting life slide by? 

Are “habits” serving you well or taking away from who you are or could be? 

Perhaps more to a larger point is the question: How authentic are you?  Are you merely marching to the beat of “natural inclinations” and innate, least-common-denominator tendencies or making a serious run at being “all you can be”? 

How much of your personal life translates seamlessly into how you do what you do in your professional life?  Are you a stickler for detail … a perfectionist … or a “Git ‘er done” / shoot-from-the-hip-and-ask-questions-later cowboy? 

How consistent with “who you are” is what other people see demonstrated on a daily basis? 

And does it matter? 

At the bottom, it may not matter.  If you’re “down for the count”, resigned to your fate without hope, aspiration or reasonable prospects, you’re pretty much on your own with or without what others may think. 

On the other hand, even if you’re on the bottom but you’re a work-in-progress on your way UP, significant others can play pivotal roles in supporting the effort.  The “Bandwagon Effect” – where legions of supporters come to the aid of someone making a heroic effort – is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. What other people see as a viable prospect also provides a measure of external validation, can be a source of personal pride and dignity, and sets the scale for negotiability in the world. 

On the flip side, negative views from others can serve as burning personal incentives: 

“I may appear to be nothing more than a lump of coal,

but – look out world – I’m a diamond in the making!” 

Countless benchmark achievements have been made by those who were told at some point “You can’t DO that!” 

For some, “what other people think” is a lot less than they really are or want to be.  Perhaps only then it doesn’t matter what other people think. 

NOTE:  It’s easy to fall into a trap of mediocrity rationalization. 

            If we’re less than other people think we SHOULD BE, tough beans for them!

I am what I am! 

Other Voices Gathering

"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we ARE,

but in which direction we are heading."

Oliver Wendell Holmes 

Which direction are you heading?

And how definitively/intentionally are you proceeding toward your Destiny? 

NOTE:  President Abraham Lincoln did not become “Presidential” after he was elected President: He was “Presidential material” from the outset.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“My old man’s a sailor:

Whatta you think about that?

He wears a sailor’s collar,

And he wears a sailor’s hat.

He wears a sailor’s raincoat,

He wears a sailor’s shoes,

And every Saturday evening

He reads the Sunday news.

And some day, if I can …

I’m going to be a sailor,

Just the same as my old man.”

“My Old Man”

Oscar Brand, Hollis Music, Inc.

“The Funny Side of the Smothers Brothers (think ethnic)”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you have done everything possible within your power to do whatever it is you CAN do and to be whoever it is you CAN be, then to hell with whatever anybody else thinks.  Let’s get more intentional about DOING and BEING whatever it is we do and whoever it is we are and the rest will follow.  Quartermaster 

Failure

Failure is an inextricable part of life … a companion element of success in a well-rewarded life and a “signature” element of an unrewarded life.  The difference in outcome – other than the difference in rewards – is ultimate satisfaction versus chronic regret. 

At some point, we’re going to fail.  So we might as well learn to deal with it!   If you’re going to attempt to rise above “average”, you’re very likely going to fail A LOT.  Those with a lack of familiarity with failure – i.e., those for whom early life is unchallenging – face doubtful prospects ahead.  http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

How do we define “failure”? 

“Failure can be differentially perceived from the viewpoints of different evaluators. A person who is only interested in the final outcome of an activity would consider it to be an Outcome Failure if the core issue has not been resolved or a core need is not met. A failure can also be a process failure whereby, although the activity is completed successfully, a person may still feel dissatisfied if the underlying process is perceived to be below expected standard or benchmark.  Three major failure deficiencies are noted:

1.    Failure to anticipate

2.    Failure to perceive

3.    Failure to carry out a task”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Failure 

In his TED Talk (Nov. 2011), Larry Smith lays out ten reasons “Why You Will Fail to Have A Great Career”  He opens his talk by, first, underscoring the canonical concept that Great Success is primarily based on doggedly following one’s PASSION:[https://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_have_a_great_career]

The “reasons” he adamantly refers to as “excuses” include the following:

1. Many of those who actually – finally – “find their passion” don’t actually DO anything about it … they merely like “having” it and admiring it;
2. Many feel that Great careers are a matter of luck; if a Great career happens to them, they’re one of the lucky ones; if it doesn’t, they’re not; and if a Great career doesn’t happen, they can always “fall back” into a “Good” career … (which, Smith points out, will definitely NOT happen because “Good Careers” aren’t really available any more.)  
3. A Great career requires GENIUS … and that doesn’t include me (see also #5);
4. I am competent.  Competence gets things done and carries its own reward.  (Yes, but it doesn’t get you the “Brass Ring”!)
5. Successful people are weird.  I’m not weird … I’m not a “Geek” … I’m not abnormal … ; I’m kind and pleasant and a “Team Player”;
6. I’m not POWER HUNGRY … I don’t need the trappings of Greatness;
7. The mantra I learned from my parents is that if I work hard I can have a good career, and if I work even harder I can have a Great career.  (However, evidence shows that working harder only draws the burden of MORE work, not Greatness);
8. Most people haven’t explored enough options to have identified THEIR OWN unquenchable passion.  They can identify things that are “interesting” and things that they “love”, but not that ONE thing whose pursuit will carry them through all the barriers, burdens and micro-failures they will need to overcome to reach Greatness;
9. Many fear the concept of Destiny.  Pursuit of one’s Destiny narrows the playing field and requires extraordinary, unwavering focus and dedication;
10. ‘I am not willing to sacrifice human relationships (i.e., “family”) on the alter of Greatness.’  This excuse uses “family” – particularly children – as a trumped-up shield against the need for total commitment and the prospect of failure.
11. Smith references the Stanford Commencement speech given by Steven Jobs in 2011 as a “primer” illustrating many of the above points.http://www.businessinsider.com/the-full-text-of-steve-jobs-stanford-commencement-speech-2011-10

How you view and respond to failure is really important. 

Many quit.  Some grow and become stronger.  Some change direction or focus.  A select few view overcoming failure as the next most worthy challenge. 

Here’s one pilgrim’s manifesto on failure: 

“If I fail, let it not be for lack of PASSION

                                    …….. of PRESENCE

                                    ......... of PURPOSE

                                    ......... of VISION

                                    ……. of COURAGE

                                    ......... of CARING

                                    ……. of INITIATIVE

                                    ......... of PREPARATION

                                    ......... of KNOWLEDGE &UNDERSTANDING

                                    ......... of EXPERIENCE

                                    ......... of TIME

                                    ......... of EFFORT

                                    ......... of CREATIVE ENTERPRISE

                                    ......... of PERSISTENCE

                                    ......... of ENGAGEMENT with SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

                                    ......... of  ‘FEELING LIKE DOING IT’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If I fail at any one thing ^__ or at ten or a hundred ^__

let it be wisdom’s quarry for an even greater success to come.” 

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“If men could regard the events of their lives with more open minds,

they would frequently discover that they did not really desire

the thing they failed to obtain.”

André Maurois 

"The brick walls are not there to keep us out;

the brick walls are there to give us a chance

to show how badly we want something."
Randy Pausch

Trustworthiness

An earlier blog (http://lifemasterymusings.blogspot.com/2014/12/character.html) examined the fundamental elements that comprise character.  These included, by various accounts, all of the following: 

Optimism           Wisdom             Courage/Bravery    Humanity

Persistence         Justice             Temperance        Transcendence

Social intelligence Authenticity               Persistence         Kindness

Gratitude           Hope               Humor                    Citizenship

Fairness            Integrity           Love                Honesty

Zest                Appreciation of beauty    Social intelligence

Self-regulation     Gratitude           Self-control               Passion

Unswerving Dedication                  Grit                 Curiosity

Inclusion            Self-Discipline      Compassion         Responsibility

Friendship          Work               Perseverance       Loyalty

Faith               Self Confidence    Creativity 

However, one common theme throughout is: 

TRUSTWORTHINESS. 

A person who has impeccable “character” is, above all things, “Trustworthy” – worthy of utmost TRUST. 

More particularly, such a person can be entrusted to look out for – and act in accordance with – our own best interest, and/or … in a larger and more egalitarian sense … the best interest of the “common good”.  He/she is able to transcend gut-level, street-level self-indulgence inclination toward more worthy ends. 

NOTE:

Prurient pursuit of vested self-interest is the antithesis of “character”. 

A person of “character” is as good as his word (authenticity): He will be and do whatever he says he will do (accountability/integrity/responsibility).  He has the capacity – the talent, the proven experience and the skill … the expertise – to make good things happen.  He will meet or beat deadlines (diligence, perseverance), even in the face of significant challenges (grit).  He may even add value (creativity).  By any other designation, he is – by all meaningful accounts --  “trustworthy”. 

While “character” and “trustworthiness” are often relationship-based, they are not driven by external affirmation but by internal affirmation – by self-actualization realization in simply doing the best one can do.  External affirmation, if it comes (as it, nonetheless, inevitably will), is merely a by-product.  Real “character” is doing your best in the absence of supervision – without anybody looking over your shoulder or even knowing about it – without any thought or requirement for accolade or reward. 

Building character is a core element in both sports coaching and military boot camp.  Players/soldiers must be absolutely trust worthy and accountable to their teammates/comrades for being where they’re supposed to be and doing what they’re supposed to do ... to a point that you can entrust your success or your life unconditionally to their talent/skill and best judgment. 

If there is a distinction between “character” and “trustworthiness”, it may be that “trustworthiness” is more personal/interpersonal.  Finding someone with whom we can entrust our most sacred intimacies is how we fall in love. 

But, just as over-zealous character traits can become weaknesses, an over-blown translation of trustworthiness can become a liability:  

“If he really loved me, he would…

            … bring me flowers everyday …

            … build me a castle …

            … make every day a honeymoon experience …

            … buy me a 60-inch television …

            … do the dishes, take out the trash, do the laundry, hire a maid …

                                    … else, he doesn’t love me ENOUGH!“ 

Maintaining a constant “Reality Check” and beating THAT is where character and trustworthiness get traction and flourish. 

What we have a “right” to expect (how about what we “deserve”?) versus what we actually get can color the balance sheet in anything from mud to rainbows.  Expecting less and getting more is a recipe for enhanced wellbeing.  Perhaps that’s where “Gratitude” comes in.  How about expecting nothing and getting something?  Increased self-reliance and a decreased reliance on external validation/affirmation are critically important here.  Add valued investibles, such as “kindness”, “compassion”, “friendship”, “loyalty”, “respect” and “a helping hand” – all essential accessory elements in “trustworthiness” – and you’ve got a matchless winning formula.  

Points to Ponder 

An employer trusts that we will do the job with which we are entrusted to the best of our ability with the resources he/she has provided … and that we will continue to grow into the job and even “grow the job”. 

In licensing us to drive an automobile, the Department of Motor Vehicles must be convinced that we are trust worthy – i.e., that we have the knowledge, skills, level of responsibility and temperament to safely operate a vehicle on all kinds of roads in all kinds of conditions.   

Things that don’t work are shortcuts, excuses, and explanations. 

Become Gold Standard Trust Worthy!  Quartermaster

 

Life Choices Simplified

Either PAY or GET PAID.  

It’s that simple!  

How much are we paying (i.e., investing versus wasting) for the privileges we enjoy and how much are we getting paid for the services we provide? 

The balance sheet at the end of the day simply needs to show a net gain, else we’re losing. 

But it’s important to note that the investment we put in demands a “contingency/efficiency/entropic surtax” and the income we realize is not all “discretionary”. 

There’s overhead to cover.

Taxes to be paid.

Retirement to prepare for.

Emergency funds to accrue.

Debts to be paid.

Credits to be accrued.

Recreational pursuits to be supported.

Hobbies to be underwritten.

Negotiability / Sustainability to be guaranteed.

 Social responsibility to be upheld.

The more positive the balance sheet, the better shape we’re in.  Period. 

Put more bluntly, the degree to which we’re not piling up both credits and actual earnings is the degree to which we’re putting ourselves at risk for “not making it”.  

In college and graduate school – for a slow-learner who needed an extra remedial reading course to navigate all the literature, history and social studies courses, it quickly became apparent that my main activity choices were study, work, and – when possible, sleep ... in that order.   

We can and do play the odds in taking all the latitude the universe will allow.  (And, the truth is, it will allow us whatever we dare to take – often with exorbitant penalties.) 

What are the chances we’ll “get caught”?  What are the chances we’ll eventually have to “pay to piper”?  [We can always apologize later, make excuses and provide any necessary explanations.  And, besides all else, aren’t we entitled to whatever we can “get away with”?] 

NOPE! 

The “Piper” WILL be paid … either in immediate slash/cash or I.O.U.s taken out of long-term prospects.  Worse, the artificial sense one gets from virtual success in “Beating the System” early in the going establishes a pattern of crowding the edges of solvency in all directions for the duration. 

You may be smarter than the average bear.  You may not have needed the remedial reading course.  You may have come into the game with a lot more “credits” on the board than most.  You may be “Special”.  And you may have certain “immunities”. 

But the bottom line on your balance sheet is the same as everyone else’s: 

Compared to where you “coulda been”, where are you now,

and where are you most likely to end up? 

Life is going to demand of us everything we’ve got, if we are to enjoy the fruits of everything we “deserve”. 

There’s no hiding from regret and remorse for potential winnings left on the table and no panacea for good water gone under the bridge.  The only solace one has at the end of the game is the knowledge that you gave it your very best shot. 

Points to Ponder

There is a hidden bottom line on the balance sheet that is not all dollars and cents.

Integrity is an even more important ledger element. 

Investments in education and personal and professional development

pay the biggest dividends, measured only indirectly in dollars and cents. 

And “creditable” entries from significant others validating YOU, Inc.

are like gold nuggets.

Getting “paid” in Blue Chip I.O.U.s and “bandwagon benefaction”

compounds our investments astronomically. 

Finishing thought:

Let’s stop shortchanging ourselves and start giving ourselves more than half a chance of making the balance sheet of life as good as it can get.  Crowd the edges of potential and possibility in the most positive ways conceivable – toughing it out through thick, thin, threats, threshings and theatricalities, and you will be amazed at the results.   Quartermaster