No Safety Net

Growing up, I was fascinated by circus performers flying on the trapeze.  The epitome of daring and showmanship was to perform without a net. 

Similar and even more daring feats were performed on the tightrope:

“Charles Blondin owed his celebrity and fortune to his idea of crossing the gorge below Niagara Falls on a tightrope, 1100 feet (335 m) long, 3¼ inches in diameter, 160 feet (50 m) above the water. This he accomplished, first on 30 June 1859, a number of times, always with different theatric variations: blindfolded, in a sack, trundling a wheelbarrow, on stilts, carrying a man (his manager, Harry Colcord) on his back, sitting down midway while he cooked and ate an omelet and standing on a chair with only one chair leg on the rope.”  [Wikipedia]

We start out life close to the ground with safety nets all around, including parents, teachers, community leaders, coaches, scouting leaders, neighbors, family, friends, etc. 

But, as the curtain rises in our lives, the safety nets drop away, reducing both the surveillance commitments and the corralling constraints keeping us within the safety net loop, and we are expected to take increasing responsibility for our own welfare. 

While the safety nets don’t completely disappear (e.g., we have contingency provisions for Unemployment Benefits, Worker’s Compensation, Disability Benefits, Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, food banks, Salvation Army, etc.), they serve mainly to cover emergency circumstances and to prevent destitution in dire circumstances.  

To realize the life we are intended to adopt for ourselves, we need – at some point – to climb the ladder, take hold of our own trapeze and walk out on our own tight rope into territory where safety nets generally don’t exist.  So we have to construct our own safety nets, where possible, or sprout “wings”.  With sufficient earnings, we can purchase life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, etc. But we can’t buy “Job Insurance”, or “Wellness Insurance”, or “Beauty Insurance” or “Social Mobility Insurance”.  There are no safety nets here.  The claim “I’m Dr. Johnson’s son/daughter … “ carries diminishing indemnification, importance and impact with time. 

But don’t sell the “Wings” paradigm short.  We’re challenged by many to “Soar with the Eagles” [although we’re reminded by David McNally that “Even Eagles Need a Push”!]  How does that work?     

First of all, we need a constitution capable of flight (translated attitude and general “fitness”).  Then we need wings (translated math skills, writing skills, computer skills, etc.)  And we need a finely tuned compass (translated sound inner-core principles and well-cultivated habits) to be able to navigate the uncharted landscape.  And we need absolute diligence in attentiveness to the voyaging.  We can benefit immensely from significant others who can provide “wind beneath our wings” … who can make passage more tenable and increase achievable elevation.  For this to happen, we need to be found worthy of the investment, accountable, and diligent in applying the capital assets at your disposal.  (Significant others are generally altruistic, but they are not so beyond reasonability!) 

BOTTOM LINE: Externally imposed safety nets are for the nascent, naïve, immature, underdeveloped, untested, unsung, under-capacitized and misfortunately undone.  The safety nets are intended to provide shelter while “seasoning”, wising-up, maturing, developing, testing, benchmarking and capacitizing the troops.  The real rewards in life are concentrated at higher altitude, attainable only by those who can rise high enough to get them. 

“The only safe course … is to expect no safety.”

Virgil

“Emulant of the wise who soar but never roam,

True to the kindred points of heaven and home,

Wheresoe’er thy Dreams may be,

Receive with Joy thy Destiny.”

[Derivation from “To a Skylark” by William Wordsworth]

No Out

Circumstances occur in which we find ourselves with no choice but to forge ahead “come Hell or High Water”!  Such was the case with Al, the neighbor of a friend.  Al was an exceptional journalist, widely esteemed for his craft, but he couldn’t boil water.  When he got into a jam with handyman projects around the house, he brought my friend over to bail him out.  One time, just back from vacation, he found himself with no hot water and my friend was out of town.  It was also a holiday and difficult to find a plumber.  He suddenly became independently responsible for his own circumstances.  So he had to figure out where the hot water came from, what the problem was (the water heater was still “on vacation”), and how to get it running again.   

“It’s amazing what you can do when there is no choice but to do it!”

Martha was 93 when her husband of 70 years passed away.  She had lived in his shadow all those years, deferring completely to his always-full agenda.  As her husband had become more debilitated, she had become more anxious, more frail and withdrawn.  The family was convinced she would rapidly regress in his absence, would soon require 24 hour nursing care, and would expire in short order.  However, wonder of wonders, the loss of the husband “awakened” a self-efficacy spirit.  She suddenly became independently responsible for her own circumstances, began walking and visiting with her neighbors in the Senior Assisted Living Facility, started eating more, and spent more time awake and attentive.

Students will sometimes say “I’m no good in math” or “I’m no good at writing” when, in fact, they haven’t really tried.  Unfortunately, the “cop out” excuse “I’m no good … “ only holds as much water as the back-up plan (like marrying someone independently wealthy or living at home for the rest of one’s life?), which doesn’t generally exist.  What they apparently don’t know or blatantly choose to ignore is the fact that there are very few real-life situations in which someone “no good in math” or “no good in writing” will thrive.  When most such students are “pinned to the wall”, given no way out, and suddenly become responsible for their own circumstances, they CAN eventually “get it”. 

I had to replace a failing computer at home but have always had the luxury of an IT staff at work and two computer-savvy sons to look after my computing infrastructural needs.  However, the timing for this one was terrible, occurring right in the middle of end-of-year holidays when none of my “help” was readily available. So – since I had ever-so-suddenly become independently responsible for my own circumstances – I did my own research, did the shopping, bought the computer, pulled it out of the box, connected the pieces parts, fired it up, executed the start up procedures, and called the internet provider three times to work around the “no internet connection” error messages.  I’d like to say I completed it all by myself, but my most proximal son eventually came to the rescue and ironed out some final details.  Nonetheless, his job was much easier and he was much more willing to help once I narrowed the field of play.

“There are no good cop outs.  Persist in pursuing, analyzing and narrowing the field of play and most challenges will eventually yield.  You will learn something in the process, become more adept at looking after your own welfare, become a more “helpable” subject, and acquire a genuine sense of satisfaction.  This is what self-efficacy is all about.”  Quartermaster

Off-Line /\ On Point

[Dear 21^st Century Adventurer:  Today I’m posting Peter Thompson’s TGIMonday Offering, January 16, 2012, slightly annotated.  It’s a pretty good “framing” orientation to start a whole new day or a year.  Here’s what Peter says:]

Do you find…

You can be so busy with ideas and thoughts and actions and tasks and plans and calls and
reports and email and …

Well – everything; there’s hardly time to know if what you’re doing is what you really
want to do?

I find an expression someone mentioned to me recently helps me get life into perspective.

Here – hear:       “Be HERE and HEAR (your muse … your conscience … your gut feelings …

your longings …).”  

“Be still enough – for long enough!”

And it seems many people simply – aren’t!

Their lives are one long mad dash to,

well without putting too fine a point on it

 – a mad dash to oblivion.

And yet … when you and I take the time – to engage in ‘still’ – amazing stuff just happens!

Didn’t I hear once that Gandhi said:

“I used to meditate for 2 hours a day, then I became so busy I had to meditate for 4 hours a day!”

It’s just so true. Life can be a hectic event and yet when we pause and get a number
of important factors straight – life takes on a whole new dimension.

Here they are:

First – sorting out our ‘purpose’ so everything we do is – on purpose.

Next – our goals: Knowing precisely what we want to achieve.

Then – our definition of success to ensure we’re acting in accord with our beliefs and values.

You know…

I find creating ‘still’ answers all my questions ....

                … whether it’s a question about purpose, goals or definitions.

… and whether the ‘still’ is my twice-daily meditation or a calm stroll through a forest or over sheep-strewn hills or a feet-up, head-back starring at the ceiling moment.

Create some ‘still’ in your life and use the ‘still’ to find the answers

Go on then…

“Hold an Executive Board Meeting with yourself, put everything promising, purposeful and pending on the table, match each with your core values and aspirations, and repeat as needed until a path appears in the wilderness.” Quartermaster   

Gotta Have a SYSTEM

Habits will take us a good distance toward – or away from – our goals, but having a system for doing what needs to be done helps immeasurably in moving things forward. 

My mother didn’t particularly like washing dishes and pots and pans.  But she developed a system that worked wonders for her in her small kitchen, and she worked the system toward perfection.  (I know her system by heart because I was part of her system!)

I don’t particularly like making my bed.  But I’ve developed a system for making a bed, and I work the system as close to perfection as possible. 

Our three sons didn’t particularly like doing homework, but each developed his own system for doing homework, and all three graduated high school with Commonwealth Diplomas. 

George Forman didn’t particularly like cleaning floors.  But he developed a system that streamlined the process and made the floors shine like mirrors.  

We talked a few blogs back about “Wearing the Hat”.  As part of my system for painting the house, I put on my painter’s hat, my painter’s shirt and my painter’s pants.  And I’ve developed a neat system for cleaning my paint brushes that is both environmentally friendly and effective in maintaining the functionality of the brushes. 

On Sunday mornings, I make a “killer” omelet with 11 ingredients – more or less – that have to go into it in a particular sequence.  I’ve developed a system for sequencing the ingredients as well as for using the smallest number of pots, pans and accessory utensils involved to minimize the clean-up.  

Back in the Dark Ages, when I was running a biochemistry lab, everything had to be done systematically.  For routine reagent preparation, I made every effort to create “kits” that could be pulled off the shelf and out of the refrigerator or freezer to standardize and streamline procedures.   We simply couldn't function without well-defined systems for doing things.

 

One of the areas of great need for each of us is developing a system for organizing all the “stuff” we’ve got, filing our important papers where we can find them, and getting rid of things we don’t need.  (As a certifiable “Pack Rat”, I have to admit this is one of my greatest personal challenges!) 

What systems have you put in place, not only to get you over the hurdles and speed bumps of life, but to give life dignity with purpose? 

Need exercise?  (Who doesn’t!?!) Develop a system for exercising, and soon it will become a habit.

“Systematize your life and enjoy the immense benefits of navigability it affords!”  Quartermaster

Adjustments

It’s most notable in sports that outcomes are all about adjustments. The individual or team that can best adjust to whatever the competition is throwing at them will most likely end up the winner. 

Dateline September 24, 2011 [Lexington Herald-Leader] Bryan Station High School trailed rival host Tates Creek HS by a score of 6-22 at halftime.  However, in the second half, Bryan Station outscored the home team 29 to 7 to win by a final score of 35-29.  BS Defenders’ first year coach, Craig Yeast, was asked what he said to the team at halftime.  “I told them they had 24 minutes left to glory, that we’re the Defenders and we don’t give up.  We play until it’s all zeroes (on the clock), and I guaranteed we’d win if we continued to fight.” 

That’s a global adjustment – an adjustment in Attitude and an adjustment in Belief in what’s possible, but also an adjustment in understanding that time – sooner than later – does run out. 

Detailed, on-the-field adjustments also have to be made with each play.  The offense has to figure out how the defense is lining up, and adjust accordingly.  Defensive players have to figure out what weapons and play options the offense will most likely use, and adjust accordingly.  If a lineman always blocks to his left, or if the quarterback never leaves the “pocket” for a pass, or if the left safety is impossible to outrun (no sense in being a damned fool about it!), adjustments can generally be made on-the-fly to improve the odds of a favorable outcome. 

Any coach will admit that the most formidable foe is a team that has just lost, not a team that has just won.  The losing team is more hungry for victory and is likely working harder with more purpose to correct deficiencies and cement advantages.  Graphically illustrating this fact of life, the 2012 BCS championship game (Jan. 9, 2012) was won by the Alabama Crimson Tide (21-0) over the LSU Tigers who had beaten the Tide (9-6 in overtime) during the regular season matchup.  That’s a 27-9 adjustment!

What adjustments are you making?  How well is what you’re currently doing working for you?  Are you getting the best outcomes you can hope for?  And how sustainable are the results you’re getting?  Want more?  Deserve more!  Do something different – better, more creative.  More intentionally.  More purposefully.  Adjust.  Each play is a new play and each day is a new day.  What are you learning about yourself and the world around you, and how well – and how much – are you adjusting to improve the odds of a successful outcome – not just THIS time, but for NEXT time and for ALL time? 

"Make purposeful adjustments a habit.  Do the global adjustments in Attitude and Belief that will give “wings” to an all-out, unencumbered effort (“Eventual Surmountability”, combined with a sense of urgency, works really well as a guiding First Principle here); make the detailed adjustments of “how now?” and “what next?” that will get a good job done better; and understand that time and energy eventually do run out.  Adjust accordingly."   Quartermaster   

“No one can go back and make a brand new start; but anyone, starting now, can make a brand new ending.”   (attributed to Karl Barth)
 

Do This NOW!

Housekeeping chores are not something we generally include on our daily agenda or add to our compelling list of things to do, like: Clearing dishes out of the sink, emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry, picking up and organizing the magazines, newspapers, games, socks, shoes, getting the trash in the trash bin/basket …  It’s as though there are so many more important things that need doing – like preparing a rocket for the next moon flight … or catching up on ESPN … or checking out You Tube, Facebook and email … or, well, almost ANYTHING else! 

Then there’s the related problem of NOW: NOW just happens to have suddenly burst on the scene unannounced/unheralded in the middle of everything else.  We didn’t really expect NOW to be here NOW, and we hadn’t really planned anything for NOW; we always plan things for LATER! 

I’m not about to suggest that we add all this piddling, generic, ever-present infrastructural stuff to our “DO List”.  Rather, I think we should purposely leave it OFF the “DO List” but turn up the background radar, become more attentive to things that need doing, and see how many things we can get done IN BETWEEN the big stuff.  By “turning up the radar” [an important component of Total Intentional Living], we would more readily/more promptly notice things that need to be done before they become calamitous (like tripping over stuff, not being able to find stuff, having no place to put stuff, etc.).  Their increased visibility on the radar would help make them compelling enough to get attention – and most of them will cost nothing: while you’re waiting for your coffee, clear the sink; while you’re walking through the family room, pick up a couple of stray items and put them where they belong.  Most of these things take only seconds, but what a difference they make in providing a much more manageable environment!

For things that may take a little longer, make the time and take the time.  Delay some gratification and practice immediate rectification.  It reinforces the disciplined life and yields tangible dividends you can actually LIVE with. 

If necessary, kick and SCREAM!  But DO IT.  And if I helps, go ahead and engage in some animated, self-supervisory, reality-check self-talk: “This is what we’re doing NOW.  We’ll do something else when it’s time to do something else.  But, for NOW, let’s clear the deck, move this stuff out of the way, stop quibbling and equivocating, and just Git ‘er Done!” 

“Life is tough!  But only because we’re not.  Become at least as tough as life, and life will become manageable.  Become tougher than life, and life will become easy.”  Quartermaster

Win-Wins and Double Losses

I generally watch about 8 quarters of football and 10 halves of basketball each year.  (I played both in high school and enjoy the sports as well as their life lessons.) Last night I watched the first few minutes of the Orange Bowl with Clemson against West Virginia.  Clemson was moving the ball without much resistance.  When Andre Ellington scored the game's first points on a 68-yard run, I figured it was pretty much over and went to bed. 

Incidentally, during this early course of events, one of Clemson’s tight ends dropped a critical pass that was – by almost any account – “catchable”.  Coach Swinney exploded!  He yelled at the player all the way off the field to the bench, and then for a good long while as he sat on the bench.  He knew it was catchable; the fans knew it was catchable; and there’s little doubt that the tight end knew it was catchable.  Not a life-and-death matter, you might say – particularly as everything else seemed to be clicking.  BUT IT WAS CATCHABLE!  And what Coach Swinney knew that the players may not have completely appreciated was the fact that there was no margin for error in this, their last game of the season – a championship game against a formidable opponent. 

Our sanctionable fall-back position in such circumstances is: “It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.”  I don’t know who said it, but it’s a nice conciliatory thought for also-rans, implying a moral victory for the losing team.  Unfortunately, this particular dropped catch wasn’t Orange Bowl “game-day” play.  But, worse, it wasn’t a level of play of which the tight end was apparently capable.  For rabid football fans – and coaches, that’s bordering on immoral! 

It was a sobering morning line:  West Virginia ended up blowing Clemson out of the water by a score of 70-33.  [“Adjustments” coming in the near future]

This same week, Coach Calipari’s #3 ranked University of Kentucky Wildcats squeaked out a victory over short-manned Arkansas-Little Rock (missing their best player and possessing a Ratings Percentage Index of only #225).  Calipari was distraught beyond consolation.  You don’t play DOWN to your opponent’s level of play; you do your BEST and keep getting BETTER!  [“Adjustments” will be coming in the near future – OR ELSE!]

BOTTOM LINE:  The “ … how you play the game” paradigm IS categorically valid when players and teams give their all-out best effort.  Then, but ONLY then, it really doesn’t matter what the outcome is.  For those insistent on keeping tabs, there’s actually a double ledger here: When you play your best and win the game, that’s a WIN-WIN.  When you play your best and lose the game, that’s a WIN-LOSS.  When you win a game and don’t play your best, that’s a WIN-LOSS.  And when you don’t play your best and lose the game, it’s a DOUBLE LOSS. 

As for me and my team, let’s take the Double Losses off the table.  WIN-WINS remain the all-time industry standard for the duration.  But let’s give our VERY BEST effort and keep getting better no matter what the circumstances, and the WINS will keep coming.  Quartermaster

Who You Are

You are who you are.  That’s enough for starters.  Nobody can expect you to be anyone or anything other than who you are. 

But, “underneath the hood”, you’re very likely much more than just who you are or appear to be NOW.  You have incredible potential and you’re still becoming.  No matter what age or station, you remain under development toward the core “more” that’s in you for the duration. 

Some learn their stripes and/or cast their lot very early in life as to WHO it is they are going to be.  (If you happen to have black and white stripes, you’re probably a zebra; black and orange, you’re probably a tiger.  If “Red and yellow, black and white …”, you’re identity is probably up for grabs.)  But, for some, there’s no question. 

Even before I started reading “Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin, I thought Abraham Lincoln demonstrated intrinsically ingrained “Presidential” qualities.  He seemed to have been “Presidential” from the very beginning: He had impeccably high standards, ideals and expectations; he had great vision and saw a world in great need; he positioned himself to understand and effectively engage in the affairs of men; and he capacitized himself to the hilt so he could serve as an effective “change agent”. 

Mozart knew well before age 5 (when he completed his first formal composition) that he would be a musician. 

Most of the rest of us are more or less doomed to muddle through and make whatever we can of ourselves in the pilgrimage with whatever we’ve got ... the lucky ones finally figuring it out once they “arrive” at their Destiny; others after they pass through some critical mass of “Defining Moments”.  Some never quite “get it”.    

Truncation of the “becoming” process and adoption/declaration of an ill-fitting identity can be disconcerting at best and devastating in the extreme. 

Parade Magazine, January 1, 2012, included profiles of two prominent individuals who have had to reinvent themselves several times:

Mika Brzezinski: “I rose to the top – then was fired on my 39^th birthday … after months of looking, I landed a job in PR.  Just when I was about to take it, I found myself blurting out, ‘I’m not perfect for this job, but I have a friend who is.’  I had to go back to who I was … If your gut is telling you something loud and clear, sometimes it’s all you’ve got.  Don’t apologize.  Be very clear [about what “fits”], what your value is and what you bring to the table.”

Joe Scarborough:  “I got elected to Congress at 31.  [To be closer to family], I quit during my fourth term to become a small-town lawyer.  It took a while to reconnect with who I was.  When I quit my law practice to be a conservative TV host on a liberal network, my friends called me crazy.  But I’ve learned if I followed my gut and worked harder than everybody else, it would pay off.  Here is my formula for success: Wake up before everybody else.  Go to sleep later than everybody else.  Work harder and smarter than anybody else.  And love what you’re doing.” 

Finally, the story is told of a young lad “given up” by his core family to be raised by his grandmother. 

One of his grandmother’s stipulations was that the boy attend church each Sunday.  She sang in the choir and he sat in the back pew, wanting to minimize his involvement and position himself for a fast get-away at the end of the service.  The minister noticed the boy early in the going and wanted to make him feel welcome.  But, Sunday after Sunday, he could never catch the lad following services before he escaped.  On Easter Sunday, the choir did a recessional, which blocked the usual escape route out the front door, and the minister finally caught up with him.  Taking the boy’s hand and giving him the warmest greeting he could muster, the minister asked “Now, who’s boy are you?”  The lad was obviously taken aback and there was a deafening silence for what seemed like an interminable moment.  Then, suddenly, the minister exclaimed, “Oh, I think I see a resemblance here.  You’re a Child of God, aren’t you!” 

Wow!  Perspective makes a world of difference! 

Importantly, it’s not so much what we DO but WHO we are that should define us and be our primary reference point.  If we are true to who we really are, we will do what we’re supposed to do. 

“Every Who down in Whoville, they knew who they were.

The Grinch couldn’t stop THEIR Christmas, and it ruffled his fur!”

[Adaptation from “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” by Dr. Seuss]

 

“Find your inner “WHO”.

Be the best YOU/WHO you can be.

And always be true to the YOU/WHO you really are.”

Quartermaster

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wow!  It’s January 1, 2012.

What Dreams, possibilities, opportunities and adventures are to be realized this year? 

Now there are 7 billion of us.

That’s formidable competition but an incredible demand for goods and services. 

Perhaps you’ve already made your New Year’s Resolutions, and some of us, no doubt, have already broken a few!  But we soldier on.

Some – and perhaps more than normal with the Mayan Calendar crisis looming – would say that we should live each day as though it were our last.  Others would say that we should live as though today is the first day of the rest of our lives. 

However, I’m going to suggest that we live each moment of each day in this new year with Total Intentionality … with purpose … and as though a positive outcome is entirely within our grasp – if we will only apply ourselves to the best of our ability.  What more could we really ask for than to have a chance to grow to be all that we can be and to prove ourselves to be all that we are? 

Here’s wishing you all that you can be in this New Year,

and may your rewards be legion!

A TOAST TO LIFE

TO LIFE:

For better or worse,

For richer or poorer,

In sickness and in health,

‘til death do us part,

We’re MARRIED to it!

In point of fact,

Not one of us can do much about how we got here,

Nobody knows ^___ really ^___ how much of it we’ve got,

Not one of us gets out of it alive,

And

Very few of us get more out of it than we put in.

A day is no less precious than a year,

Or a decade, or even a whole generation,

If it’s well spent.

How much MORE of it would I bargain for … if I could?

And with what justification?

If we have learned anything from life at all,

It is that we can’t bargain … no matter how deeply desired or impeccably justified.

We can “hedge” a little or a lot by taking care of ourselves,

But, in the end, Life chooses its own terms.

All we can do is give the best account of ourselves for the privilege.

Nonetheless, most curiously,

It is life’s terms that have given us each TODAY.

LIFE has chosen YOU and it has chosen ME!

For better or worse,

For richer or for poorer,

And all the rest:

So let us LIVE IT … FILL IT … DO LIFE NOW … 

Let there be no effort spared … nothing “left on the field”.

Then let there be a CELEBRATION OF LIFE in all of its fullness,

And

Let there be no regrets!

TO LIFE!!

copyright©2000 Lewis A. Kelly