Affirmation

It’s what “Makes Our Day” …

the acquired, adopted or bestowed assertion that we’re OK ...

that we have value and are headed in a reasonably ”right” direction.

It’s what we live for – a sense that we’re “making it”.   

Life without affirmation is an existence without color or light or hope or possibility. 

However, it’s important to note that an affirmation is not an indemnification – i.e., a guarantee that we will be “held harmless” for any and all contraventions and contrivances, or an assurance that we have “paid our dues” or are “off the hook” for any future assessment.  It is a momentary and very fleeting assessment … something that allows – often demands – that we press on to even bigger and better things. 

It means that whatever we’ve done – so far – is good enough to keep us in the game.  It doesn’t mean that we’ve won the END GAME and can take home our trophy and sit on our laurels. 

Also important, an affirmation in one area of life does not automatically translate to cover ALL areas of life; an affirmation in sports does not necessarily keep one “in the game” of academics or business.   

So we have to keep acquiring affirmations to stay sufficiently in the game to keep acquiring affirmations – kind of a vicious cycle, if you’re a cynic … or a core tenet of success if you’re a narcissist.   

But isn’t that the way life works?   If we’re not getting our fair share of affirmations, we’re either doing something wrong or not doing enough “right” or are in the wrong group or business altogether.   

Easy affirmations are readily available.  Advancing to the next level in a video game can affirm one’s capacity to play video games.  And being able to acquire designer jeans affirms one’s capacity to purchase or borrow sufficient funds to pay a premium price for signature goods.  [However, the presumptive affirmation one may expect while wearing goods emblazoned with someone else’s name defies a certain logic here!]    

Gratuitous affirmations also abound.  Some would call them “flatterings”.  A former acquaintance used to go out of his way to capture people’s engagement by telling them what a nice tie they were wearing or noting the beauty of a scarf or necklace.   

Salesmen, marketing and advertising groups are notorious for gratuitous affirmations.  Credit card companies are particularly masterful and aggressive in affirming how much they think we’re worth! 

The constitutively needy and insecure require constant extrinsic affirmation/validation to function.  This can be a precarious condition, being exclusively dependent on outside forces for a viable sense of wellbeing – sometimes to the point of incessant preoccupation.  Perhaps this is why Facebook, Tweeting and Twittering have become so popular? 

 

Intrinsic or self-generated affirmation – i.e., the ability to generate one’s own sense of “self worth” [not to be confused with posting “selfies” on Facebook!] – is the gold standard of sustainable self-esteem and wellbeing.  Being “comfortable in one’s own skin” … even through difficult and uncertain times … is an integral part of an intrinsic affirmation profile. 

One can, of course, take intrinsic affirmation to an unreasonable extreme, becoming insular and ignoring valuable input from outside sources (including constructive suggestions and criticism).   Irrepressible egotists and geniuses – real or imagined – who are unable to tolerate the less amply endowed are thus afflicted.

Further afield, the ploy of the recalcitrant underachiever to belittle others in order to elevate himself or herself – thus artificially conscripting an aura of affirmation – is a despicable but not uncommon practice.  Political campaigns are filled with examples too numerous to reference.

Finally, the search for ultimate and more permanent affirmation through religious/spiritual engagement is a common pursuit, and one which often has uncommonly positive (Mother Teresa), but also uncommonly negative (Taliban) impact.   

So how do we deal most constructively with affirmations – understanding how essential they are to an overall sense of wellbeing, yet knowing the dual polarities they can have?

1.     Find and articulate your PASSION, your PURPOSE, then doggedly pursue it; you’ll be too busy to worry about affirmations and – surprise – your affirmations will find YOU!

2.    Ask: “Have I done anything wrong?”  CORRECT IT, then CELEBRATE!

3.    Ask: “Have I done anything RIGHT?” CELEBRATE!

4.    Small victories are victories, nonetheless; take them and run while building your castles!

5.    Do what you can – and KEEP DOING!  Mountains get worn down as you’re going UP.

6.    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

7.    Understand that a worthy sacrifice is an affirmation unto itself.  Do not shy from giving up even significant things in order to bring about GREATER things.

8.    Get organized and clean up after yourself; you deserve it and you’ll feel so much better!

9.    Adopt an orientation toward “eventual surmountability”:

“I may be a lump of coal, as you see me now.

But I will not be stopped until I have become a diamond!”

[Source Unknown] 

BE good and DO good – for GOODNESS SAKE (!), and you will never be impoverished of affirmations.  Quartermaster 

“Do all the good you can.  By all the means you can.  In all the ways you can.  In all the places you can.  At all the times you can. To all the people you can.  As long as ever you can.” 

John Wesley