Rejection Redux

Nobody likes rejection.  We at least like to be included, if not be deemed “Special”.  Parents, teachers, coaches, friends, and society-at-large all conspire to make us feel like valued citizens ... at least up to the point that we fail to behave as valued citizens and don’t deserve it. 

But it’s important to understand that rejection has incredible POWER in multiple directions.  It can either destroy or build lives, communities and entire nations, depending on how it’s used and how we respond to it.  In fact, rejection is one of the best sculpting tools we have for becoming who we are and doing what we do. 

Yes, we need to develop POSITIVE POWERS, such as acceptance of responsibility, affirmation of others, and a commitment to civilization-affirming principles and goals.  And we need to focus on doing what needs to be done.  And we need to adopt a viable/sustainable Mission, Purpose and Passion ... 

And we need to be ambitious in gathering all the knowledge and raw materials we will require to build a vibrant and fulfilling life. 

But we can’t have it all – at least not all at once – so we have to be selective:

There’s certain stuff we shouldn’t do at certain times,

and certain stuff we shouldn’t do altogether!

Our brain’s ever-evolving and maturing “Executive Center” needs to develop and judiciously exercise refined EDIT functions, which includes the power to reject what doesn’t fit the Mission, Purpose, Values, Goals, Principles, Best Practices … and future wellbeing … of YOU and ME, Inc. 

Things that might be included on a standard first-pass “Reject” list include:

• ·         Distractions
• ·         Temptations
• ·         Diversions
• ·         Prejudice
• ·         Injustice
• ·         Wanton Willfulness
• ·         Bullying
• ·         Rationalization
• ·         Invective Tribalism
• ·         Gossip/Innuendo
• ·         Unfounded Assumptions
• ·         Unrealistic Expectations
• ·         Unwarranted Entitlements 

Rejection can, at times, look more like SACRIFICE … like when a higher purpose calls us to reject something we’d really rather have or do – such as rejecting the cheese cake to save the arteries and maintain manageable girth, or rejecting going to the mall with friends in order to finish our homework.  However, in this sense, it can easily be seen that some – in fact, MANY – of the things we reject can become key cornerstones of a well-built life. 

In the grand scheme of things, the measure of a person is largely determined by the things he/she rejects … the things they find “unacceptable” … the things that are “beneath” them.  Some may find any interference with their “game time” or social media engagement unacceptable.  Others may find hunger and injustice unacceptable.  Some are not above rolling their sleeves up to do stuff nobody else will do.  Some are not above using profanity.  Some cannot abide driving anything less than a Mercedes automobile. 

   

Finally, rejection by others – or, seemingly, by life, itself – is not always bad news, although it may seem like it at the time.  It may provide both reasons and opportunities for new beginnings ... for turning a new page.  It may help toughen us up.  It may mean we need to find greener pastures … to turn the kaleidoscope toward a different colored light.  Cancer patients will sometimes say, “Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me … it toughened me up, brought me down to earth, forced me to get REAL, helped me get my priorities straight, and forced me to become more intentional about life.” 

Sometimes a person who loses their job will eventually admit, “It was the best thing that ever happened to me!  I didn’t really ‘belong’ there … I wasn’t going anywhere … it wasn’t a very good ‘fit’ for who I am or want to be.  My only regret is that I should have made the change long ago.”   

Let’s affirm who we are, where we’re going, what our Mission, Purpose, Values and Principles are, let’s get TOUGH, and let’s become really selective in rejecting anything that will compromise key elements of the life we want to live … that we DESERVE to live … that is sustainable … and that enriches the lives of others.  Quartermaster

Frame Shifting

Dateline:  December 22, 2015

On this date, I had to do some serious FRAME SHIFTING: I found I was having an acute bout of foot-dragging when it came time to wrap Christmas presents.  Wrapping Christmas presents isn’t on the usual list of things I’m accustomed to doing.  My inclination had to be changed.  I not only had to “Gear Up”, I had to “Center Down” and my entire FRAME OF REFERENCE had to be shifted.  [It didn’t help that my customary present-wrapping workspace in the basement had been hijacked for other purposes!]

A similar frame-shifting conundrum also happens every Spring when it’s time to start mowing the lawn and digging up the garden.  And it happens when I have to replace posts and rails on the split-rail fence.  But perhaps, most of all, it happens when I have to haul out the extension ladder and face up to scraping, sanding, priming and painting the house, in which case I have to rearrange the entire workspace in the garage. 

Confutational Forestalling is a technique I have used successfully in such circumstances to overcome – more like to subvert – the frame-shifting hurdle.  The way CF works is that I first declare I am unequivocally NOT going to do NOW … or in the immediately foreseeable future … what I am, ultimately, going to be compelled to do.  Thus, I declare with absolute resolve that I am explicitly NOT going to paint the house!  However, that doesn’t prevent me from putting on my “By God Armorall Coveralls”, or from checking out my paint scrapers, sanders and brushes, or from rearranging the garage, or from surveying exactly WHAT needs to be painted, or from assessing how much paint and primer I have on hand … It also doesn’t mitigate against my taking multiple surveillance trips to both Lowe’s and Home Depot to scout out the newest accessories for painting … i.e., in the event that I ever were to have a need for such accessories!

In addition to all of the above, I’ve found it doesn’t hinder the grand plan to do a modest test check on some of the smallest imperfections – or perhaps some of the largest … just to determine whether outside contractors might be needed, for example.

What has happened during this process, you see, is that the FRAME OF REFERENCE has slowly but dramatically shifted while I’m definitively NOT engaged in painting the house.  In fact, the Frame Of Reference has changed to a point that the house, itself, is now ready to accept BEING painted!

It’s a rather involved process, but it works for big stuff!

NOTE: This process illustrates a deliberate operational disconnect between Executive Function and Workforce Execution.  The CF declaration allows unimpeded/unencumbered surveillance, planning and preparation for work someone else is actually going to DO ... up to the point that that “someone else” happens to be ME! (It’s also a means of becoming “engagingly unengaged”.) 

More generally, things have to happen much faster, with more moment-to-moment transitioning between projects and proceedings, and we often get caught up in the “in between” spaces.  There’s a particular problem with NOW: This very moment – NOW – just happens to be in between everything that came before it and anything and everything that will follow.  So NOW creates its own off-the-clock space and lasts indefinitely until imposed upon by the sheer force of the NEXT necessity.  Somehow, we have to get beyond NOW, because NEXT is coming quickly.

Unpleasantries are especially challenging.  I was finding the microbiological “bloom” in the shower increasingly annoying, but not yet annoying enough to actually do anything about it.  So I decided to invent something worse … the Devil’s Alternative – Exercise!  Here’s how it worked: I could continue to avoid cleaning the shower ONLY if I completed a full round of exercises before taking a shower – OR – I would have to clean the shower.  The exercise alternative worked for about a week.  I got some excellent exercise, I lost a few pounds, and the shower got worse ... worse enough – finally – to force the issue.  Meanwhile, you know what happened: All the time the Devil’s Alternative was in play, I was figuring out just exactly HOW I was going to go about cleaning the shower … if, and/or when it ever came time to clean the shower.  In the end, it was much less of a hassle DOING it than it was AVOIDING it.

Sometimes, you just have to get creative:

Making a LIST

Besides being creative, “Jazzing things up”, and having an extra shot or two of rum in reserve, having a LIST helps in two ways: 1) It keeps us appraised of “What’s Next” … thus continuously planting future Frame of Reference seeds; and 2) It helps us anticipate, plan and build helpful transitioning bridges.

An important third thing a list does is that it provides an essential backdrop for serendipity, synchronicity and “Flow”.  Coincidental opportunities are coming at us all the time and it helps to be able to “plug in” the relevant elements from our list as seamlessly as possible when they show up.  A strategically developed LIST is a plan virtually in motion. 

“ … chance favors only the prepared mind.”

Louis Pasteur 

So let’s get our LIST in order [our 'surrogate brain”], and let’s work on being agile at “Frame-Shifting” to take best advantage of both NOW and what’s NEXT.  One can’t prime a pump with an empty bucket. 

Finally, when all else fails, simply GET TOIT and DOIT!   Nobody ever said we had to feel “warm and fuzzy” – or correctly “framed” – about doing “right” and necessary things.  The “good” feelings generally come after the deed is done … “framed” or not!  Just DOIT!  Quartermaster

OUTRAGE

If you’re not outraged about something – about ANYTHING – you probably need to have your pulse checked! 

 Disaffection with the way things are, or just happen to be – or are contrived to be or are perceived to be – is part of our innate makeup.  It’s what drives us on – sometimes “up the wall”, but sometimes up the ladder of personal achievement.  

However, increasing numbers of journeymen are taking less and less salient disaffections to a high art of outrage.  Politicians (mainly male) are exceptional practitioners of this new high art!  Radio talk show hosts may even be the superstars of outrage … of course, they’ve got to foment flaming disaffection to keep their edge as “Go To” savant sentinels of the Republic.

Unfortunately, opportunists and fringe practitioners go to extremes in simply being cynical and critical of everything, owing to the common conceit that distrust and disapproval are the sole prerogative and prime province of sages and sovereigns. 

“A certain kind of rich man afflicted with the symptoms of moral dandyism sooner or later comes to the conclusion that it isn't enough merely to make money. He feels obliged to hold views, to espouse causes and elect Presidents, to explain to a trembling world how and why the world went wrong.”  Lewis H. Lapham, editor and writer (b. 8 Jan 1935)

And anti-social social media has made it de rigueur; if you haven’t been disaffected to a point of outrage about someone or something, you can’t expect much of a “following”.  It’s the new paradigm for assertive self-expression and self-actualization, not to mention self-promotion.

Even before social media, Earl Pitts, “Umurikan” was the poster person for outrage, beginning each tirade with his trademarked preamble, “You know what makes me sick; you know what makes me so angry I could eat a bucket of nail – points first … ?” 

Earl Pitts, American

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOGoCb0SKrU

  

Conspiracy theory provides prime foundational fodder for outrage … and the more “conspiratorial” and the more “outrageous”, the better.  Fabrications are fair game, since novelty/innovation/shock value trumps (sic.) rationality and reasonability!

Pathologic obstination can be a formidable driving force for malignant outrage.

NEWS FLASH January 6, 2016: Florida Atlantic University Professor James Tracy took outrage to a new low, claiming the Obama Administration fabricated the massacre at Sandy Hook in order to justify government control over guns.  (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/florida-atlantic-university-fires-james-tracy-professor-who-questioned-sandy-n491431)

Healthy skepticism is a learned but friable art.  The educational process encourages, supports and cultivates critical thinking skills.  Combined with creativity, critical thinking skills are largely responsible for every major advance in the world.

Scientists are admonished to be trustworthy in ferreting out sound understandings of the universe – allowing that interpretations of data are fraught with pitfalls; thus, “rigged conditions”, selective circumstances, subjectivity and limited frames of reference often leave us with only circumstantial truths to be doggedly pursued to their logical or illogical conclusions.

Of course, the United States of America was founded in the wake of outrage against tyranny/oppression, injustice, religious intolerance, and taxation without representation.  Free speech – i.e., freedom to vent one’s outrage – is a cornerstone principle in the US constitution.  In fact, it can easily be seen as an obligation:

“He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth

 makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers.”

Charles Peguy

However, knowing for sure that one has the Truth, and nothing but the Truth is the nub of the question.  It’s worth periodically revisiting “The Blind Men and the Elephant” for reference …  http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/blind_men_elephant.html 

The suppression of outrage can, itself, become an outrage:

Dateline January 4, 2016: Saudi Arabia's leading Shiite cleric, Nimr al-Nimr, was sentenced to death in a closed trial on [trumped-up?] charges such as being disloyal to the ruling family, using violence and seeking foreign meddling. Nimr al-Nimr was executed, along with 46 supporters/sympathasizers.  (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/05/opinion/saudi-arabias-barbaric-executions.html?_r=0)

FINAL THOUGHT:  There’s plenty enough legitimate fodder for outrage – both in the world at large and in ourselves – to keep the vigilante fires burning for the duration without trumped-up fabrications.  Outrage against poverty, injustice, ignorance, rationalization, inequality, indifference, mediocrity and ineptitude … and against fabrication, itself … is more than fair game for venting.

Let’s get REAL, get agitated, and get righteously OUTRAGED about things that really matter, and then let’s go DO something to make the world better.  Quartermaster

The Plan

[From Peter Thompson, TGI Monday, January 04, 2016, Augmented]

So, by now, January 4, 2016, we’ve FINALLY made our personal and professional resolutions for the year ahead … our GRAND GOALS.  The question now is: How are we going to carry them out?

Here’s a suggested step-wise blueprint for the New Year:

• ·         Goal
•  
• ·         Plan
•  
• ·         Action
•  
• ·         Review / Get Feedback
•  
• ·         Reconstruct/Revise/Reformulate/Refresh/Reiterate

The most common business axiom on planning, trite but true, is:

“If you fail to plan – you plan to fail”

Perhaps it was Stephen Covey who most notably pointed out that the big stones need to go in the jar first.

So, with the goals firmly in mind for the future ahead, now is the moment to sit, think, write and create:

THE PLAN!!!

No plan – no success
No plan – who knows what’s first next?
No plan – no glory

No plan – no sanity / no “presence of mind”
No plan – no determination / no dedication / no commitment / no productive engagement
No plan – ( … add your own words here … )

And so…………..  Urgingly – let’s do a PLAN.

It can be simple.
It can be just a few lines, one page at best.
It is so inspiring and energizing when we see the road ahead drawn in rich clarity.

Action almost naturally follows

Ooh, I like it!

Goal > Plan > Action > Review / Get Feedback > Reiterate

Let’s go on then – no more coffee till it’s done!

Peter T. (and QM)