Pathological Dependencies

Eaglets have a physiological dependency to stay in the nest as long as possible until their “flying wings” are ready.  But mother eagles eventually get to a point where they have to push the eaglets out of the nest.  They can only hope they can fly!  [See also “Even Eagles Need a Push” by David McNally, Delacorte Press, New York, 1990)

Humans have a more complex constellation of dependencies, which include: Physiological, psychological, financial, emotional, motivational, recreational and otherwise (e.g., cultural, political, religious/spiritual, vocational and attitudinal).

Unfortunately, great numbers of humans never make the full transition to independence – probably because they never “have to” – they rarely get completely “kicked out of the nest” like eaglets.  And/or they find other “nesting” places. 

I’m defining the incomplete transition as “pathological dependency”.  For eaglets it would be certain death – precipitous as the transition needs to be – if they simply failed to take it upon themselves to “straighten up and fly right” under their own power.  Fortunately, for eaglets, they have a natural instinct that kicks in to spread their wings and soar.  However, the most ingrained natural instinct in humans is to hide their wings and go kicking and screaming against the very winds that might otherwise serve to give them “lift”! 

Rare is the teenager whose parents don’t have to wrench them out of bed every morning to get a productive day underway.  Not-so-rare is the teacher who has to cram knowledge and information into students’ heads, hoping some of it will stick – in spite of both overt and passive-aggressive resistance!  

Curiously, the “free-fall” to mediocrity and oblivion is exhilarating to the uninitiated, coat-tails-clinging so-sojourner: At 16, we can get a driver’s license (to drive someone else’s car); at 18, we get certified as “fully sanctioned” inductees to society with high school diplomas in hand (“earned” with no small investment by teachers, parents and coaches); and at 21, we get legislatively decreed autonomy (simply as a result of the passage of time).  Ain’t life grand!

Then the pathologically challenged move into adult day-care centers – frequently referred to as “Jobs” – where their paths to oblivion and mediocrity are tempered with great angst by employers/supervisors.  When not mercilessly hounded by a supervisor looking over their shoulders, the hopelessly recalcitrant wander off into the never-never land of immediate gratification from video games, YouTube, tweeting, twittering … and worse.  One of my former employees actually rigged a rear-view mirror for his cubical so he could preemptively see a colleague or supervisor approaching his workstation. 

Some never completely “get it” and the dependencies extend to all aspects of life.  Coaches quickly get to wit’s end with minions who exert themselves only when pushed.  Choral directors are flummoxed by would-be singers who constantly make the same mistakes and perpetually “lean” on section leaders to get the notes, rhythms and choreography right.  And the medical professions spend incredible amounts of unnecessary time and expense with patients who can’t or won’t look after themselves. 

Despite all of the above, the human being has an almost inestimable capacity to become not only overtly independent but self-developing and self-correcting.  That transition generally requires a Defining Moment/”Wake-Up Call” comprised by sheer terror or devastating deprivation.  But it CAN happen more spontaneously and doesn’t need to involve trauma or drama. 

Our “birthright” is to be all that we can be.  Spread your wings and GO and BE!  Quartermaster